Last week was about parenting and showing appreciation. This week is about parenting and recognizing progress. Alice can have challenges regulating her emotions sometimes. She can go from 0-100 miles of fury per hour in .2 seconds (I’m sure we’ve all been there). The other night she got really upset and exploded. My wife and I talked to her about this and how she needs to do better. Alice responded, “I’m trying really hard to get better at calming down. You keep telling me I’m not doing this right. I’m not perfect, but you’re not recognizing that I’m making any progress.”
My wife and I sat in silence for a moment. First, I was so proud of Alice for feeling brave and confident enough to say this. Second, I was impressed that she understood herself so well and knew she needed her progress to be seen. Third, I felt like a bit of a jerk. I was so focused on the problem that I lost sight of the journey. I lost sight of how far Alice has come and how hard she is working every day. I lost sight of how important it is for me to show her I see her and recognize her progress (maybe I should reread my blog from last week 😉). After we regained our ability to speak, my wife and I told Alice she was right. We pivoted the conversation to focus on the progress she is making AND how we can help her keep moving in the right direction.
How does this connect to work? I see connections at the individual level and at the leadership level. As an individual, how often do you focus on your shortcomings vs. your progress? This is me all day. I can get obsessive about the misses, while never seeing the tremendous growth I should be proud of. As a leader, how often do we treat teammates the way my wife and I initially treated Alice? How often do we spend most of our effort on judging the work and pointing out all of the shortcomings vs. recognizing the positive progress that has been made? As leaders, we will always be able to see shortcomings in others, because we are all human. If all the person ever hears is us calling out their shortcomings, what will that do to them and our relationship with them?
The challenge: Are you recognizing progress or are you just seeing shortcomings?
Have a jolly good day,
Andrew Embry
Striking Matches 